Double Motherhood
Flutters, Faith, and French Toast
“How are you feeling??”
This is the most common question I answered this week, especially now that my baby bump is increasingly more prominent.
There are a lot of adjectives I could say - Fluttery. Exhausted. Heartburny. Sore. Grateful.
But then I came upon this phrase in a book I read this week — "double motherhood”- and THAT is a perfect description.
“What interests [Tina Modotti] is the body language, the physical contact, the strength, ease, and assurance, the tenderness and the weariness in the physical bond between mother - double motherhood due to the pregnancy - and child.” - Jazmina Barrera, Linea Nigra
I’m in the throes of double motherhood in the best possible way. I’m chasing after my energetic toddler and laughing with delight as she tries to helpfully carry three bags of bagels bigger than herself through Aldi aisles (to which an onlooker exclaimed, “She is a riot!”) I’m actively teaching and discipling as we work through the daily rhythms - food preparation, journaling and reading, spending time with friends, and cleaning the house. And all the while, I’m growing and nourishing a tiny human, whose kicks and flutters match my excitement as I dream and pray and wonder about who he or she is. When hiking, I carry a toddler in the backpack and a nestled up baby in the womb. I rock a toddler to sleep at night while feeling my little internal acrobat wide awake.
Luis and I were talking about how much we love this stage of toddlerhood, just the creativeness and wit and curiosity coming out. I shared with him last night that feeling baby kicks are one of my favorite feelings in the world - the amazement of growing a child and the reassurance that all is well in there.
Double motherhood. This is where my feet are planted right now. I’m fully committed to the sore, laughter-filled body of growing a baby and keeping up with a toddler.
“Mommy, mah-kah pease” - She asks me for a marker to draw in her notebook as I highlight my way through my current book. “Mommy, up!” she commands as I chop veggies and prep food at the counter. The lipstick she pulled out of my purse when I wasn’t looking is haphazardly applied to her lips. She routinely brings me my prenatal vitamins and water and throws her hand to her mouth like I take my vitamins.
Imitation is a potent mirror of heart attitude and action.
The past few weeks have been hard. Job instability. Decisions outside my control. Miscommunication. Fatigue. There are a lot of moving pieces. Assumptions and fears threaten to distract me and drive a fear-based frenzy of impulsive attempts at control instead of a single-minded fixation on imitating the Christ I claim to follow.
Watching my girl reflect my actions all day, every day is a sobering reminder of the responsibility I have: the way I imitate Christ is how she imitates me. Are my actions worth copying? Am I keeping righteousness and godliness the end goal?
Double motherhood is also demonstrated through multigenerational discipleship. While I was encouraging my daughter this week, I was also reaching out to mentors to encourage me in my own faith. These are people who exemplify the beauty of living faith throughout various trials. Their prayers and uplifting words have rallied my spirit.
In Hebrews 13, the apostle Paul writes about the sacrifices that are pleasing to God: hospitality, remembering others, honoring the marriage covenant, contentedness, and the reminder that our help comes from the Lord.
Verses 7 & 8 say, “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
This week I’m thanking God for double motherhood in all its forms. Regardless of whether you are a parent or not, someone is watching you. Who, or what, are you emulating? And who is imitating you?
The Good List from the Week
Pregnancy Herbal Tea from a doula client-turned-friend
Someone complemented my Spanish (I’m always nervous to practice in public, so this is a big deal for me, ha!)
The neighborhood library is amazing — I made non-toxic cleaning products, read books, participated in toddler story time, and checked out books the librarian recommended to me!
A quick mid-week snow + snow boots + neighbor kids to send my girl out with
My husband and I had a great time at a business networking event and panel we held this week (a nice date night too!)
I finished MeatEater’s Campfire Stories: Narrow Escapes & More Close Calls on audiobook - a thrilling, terrifying, and well done book!
A Friday night walking around our local Ice Fest & eating a Girl Scout Cookie Sundae Flight (10/10 recommend cold nights + cold treats)
French Toast — this is my favorite way to use older bread and I used McCormick’s recipe to rejuvenate a half loaf of Magnolia Table’s lemon poppyseed bread for a Saturday morning treat