I'm the Winner

Thoughts on being enough

What is enough?

Is it a Promised Land full of milk and honey
Or a daily portion of manna?

Is it checking novels and self-help books off my TBR list
Or is it the way I am drinking up poetry like a thirsty woman in a desert?

Is it curating the best children’s books for our library stack
Or are the ridiculous Unicorn Princess books that the toddler picks out alright? 

Do I have enough if I get a pool pass 
Or is it enough to throw a sprinkler in the yard and invite friends?

Is it dressing my girls in stylish outfits
Or is it watching my toddler’s delight as she designs her own mismatched outfits? 


They say I need to drink more water -
But is it enough to drink water and Propel and cold brew coffee and eat juicy watermelon?

They say the older kid is always left out and the younger one will never have the attention the first got - 
But can’t I treat each kid as a vital part of our family team instead of creating competition?

They say to wake the baby up every few hours to eat - 
But can I just take the extra sleep so I can function the rest of the day? 

They say I need to put socks on my baby’s feet -
But do they have to calm and comfort a screaming, overheated baby?

They say I’m going to have trouble in the teenage years when they see my two girls -
But isn’t it enough to raise vibrant, feisty, empathetic girls with strong voices and hearts for justice? 

“It’s my turn!” the toddler said when I was done holding the newborn. 
“Yes, come snuggle with Mommy!” I said, opening my arms and heart wide.

Enough.

“Mommy, sit down,” she says motioning. 
I do - and we laugh and play and talk. 

Enough.

“Thank you, Mommy,” her sweet voice says 
when I help her or do something that pleases her.

Enough. 

“No! No, thank you!” she yells as a tantrum escalates
“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” is my whispered prayer for patience and wisdom. 

Enough. 

“Mommy, sing!” she commands as I prepare her for bed. 
I hum her favorite lullaby - "Misty Mountains Cold" from Lord of the Rings.

Enough. 


Enough is the way my body is still stretched out from giving birth a few weeks ago, and my thick thighs are able to hold two girls on my lap at once, and the way they curl up just so against my chest and belly. 

Enough is getting out to parks and libraries to frolic and learn while sometimes ignoring the house chores for a bit.

Enough is extra snuggles in the mornings when we are all piled into our queen-sized bed at 6 am after the kids have migrated over and before Daddy starts work for the day. 

Enough is that the extent of my fun activity planning has been to throw Magna-tiles on the fridge and pull out cardstock and watercolors on a silver baking tray. 

Enough is the laughter and love and ingenuity and teachable moments that fill our home on a daily basis. 


We tell moms to trust their God-given instincts and intuition, and then try to crush them with the guilt of how “things should be” and “I did it this way and my kids turned out fine.” 

What is enough? 

It’s me. I am enough and the mom that God thought my girls needed, and that motivation is what drives me to keep growing in my relationship with Jesus, growing my emotional and physical health, and loving and mothering my kids daily.  Enough is who I am when I partner with God to keep showing up in my kids’ lives in tangible and hands-on ways, and I’ll be damned if I let shame, fear, or guilt take this gift from me.

At the end of the day, I’m the winner, even if the only trophy I’m getting in a day is the plastic medal my girl spontaneously placed around my neck as I was writing this. 

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Enough".