Six Weeks

In honor of my postpartum check-up

Six Weeks

"I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things…”
"Is the baby sleeping through the night?"
"I wish my pre-pregnancy jeans would fit right away."
"You can still get pregnant when nursing.."

A litany of expectations and questions. 

“It seems like you are having some anxiety,” the midwife tells me
After I answer one question as a sometimes.
“Well, I didn’t want to lie. It’s mostly when I don’t get enough sleep,” 
I defend myself. 

The truth is
I’m doing pretty well adjusting
Most days

But still, 
it has only been six weeks
Since this pivotal moment

Six weeks
Since my heart
And maybe my body
Were split wide open

To welcome a new life
    Transforming body, mind, and spirit
    Love filling expanded heart cavities
    Gravity of the responsibility resting on my shoulders

Six weeks doesn’t 
Heal the scars
Replenish the nutrients
Solve all the problems

These are things I know–

Walking feels better
And hurts less. 

My edges are softer now
More selfishness sheared off
More space for all of the big emotions
More peace in the unknowns
More relaxed expectations. 

My senses are sharper
Eyes scanning for potential dangers
Nose sniffing that newborn smell
Hands cradling her beautiful face
I listen to my intuition without guilt. 

There are curves in more places
My arms as they curl around my babies
My breasts as they nourish once again
My stomach deflating after a job well done
but mostly, my smile as I feel like the luckiest mama.

Six weeks passes faster than
A blink, when spent in the sun’s glorious rays,
Six weeks drags its feet like a 
Stubborn mule, with a crying baby at 2AM.

Six weeks doesn’t measure progress
It doesn’t get to assign a grade of pass or fail. 
Six weeks is just a measure of time that started 
when I held my baby for the first time.